TED Talks · How to slow down

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The moments that really matter in life, the moments that stay with us, seldom show up on our calendars and to-do lists.

Level: A2 · 46 sentences

Transcript

  1. The moments that really matter in life, the moments that stay with us,
  2. seldom show up on our calendars and to-do lists.
  3. Moments like reading bedtime stories to your child, playing cards with a neighbor,
  4. falling into a random conversation that lights up the day.
  5. Time spent with other people gives life meaning, texture, and joy.
  6. It also keeps us healthy.
  7. One study reported that social isolation can take as many years off your life as smoking or being obese.
  8. But relationships take time.
  9. You cannot speed them up.
  10. Researcher Jeffrey Hall says it takes around 200 hours for a best friendship to develop.
  11. When fast-paced technology collides with slow-growing relationships,
  12. we all lose out.
  13. Fubbing, the phenomenon of snubbing the person you're with by looking at your phone,
  14. is rampant these days.
  15. It happens in counseling sessions, in playgrounds, in bedrooms, and on dates.
  16. When handed a phone that gives us constant access to an endless supply of games,
  17. information, and other people, we often don't know when to stop.
  18. Without thinking, we put screens first.
  19. One study showed that when two people are chatting together A visible phone keeps the conversation superficial.
  20. It doesn't have to ring, or vibrate, or light up.
  21. It just has to be within sight.
  22. So, the next time you're chatting one-to-one with someone,
  23. try hiding your phones away.
  24. If you're not ready for that,
  25. why not try my favorite ritual for building a healthier relationship with tech?
  26. It's called stacking.
  27. This is how it works.
  28. When a group of people go out for coffee or a drink or a meal,
  29. everyone piles up their phones in a stack in the middle of the table.
  30. The aim is to hang out free from electronic distractions.
  31. The first person to break the spell by reaching for their device pays the bill for the whole table.
  32. The best thing about stacking is that it was invented by young people who grew up with screens,
  33. not by older ones like me who didn't.
  34. If digital natives can switch off their phones to chat with their friends for a couple of hours,
  35. then we all can.
  36. With phones set aside, we lay the ground for better face-to-face conversations.
  37. Linguist Deborah Tannen says connection comes from listening,
  38. not only to what the person is saying, but to how they're saying it.
  39. When your companion is talking, instead of loading up what you're going to say next,
  40. you might take the time to consider their conversational style.
  41. How can you adapt your style to fit theirs?
  42. Try this with a friend or a coworker.
  43. Invite them to have a coffee or take a walk.
  44. Focus on what they say and how they say it.
  45. Don't schedule anything for right afterwards so you can resist the urge to check your calendar.
  46. Lose track of time and just enjoy how that feels.