TED Talks · How to slow down

Romance

The other day, an ad flashed across my feed that stopped me in my tracks. The headline was, how to orgasm faster, much faster.

Level: A2 · 39 sentences

Transcript

  1. The other day, an ad flashed across my feed that stopped me in my tracks.
  2. The headline was, how to orgasm faster, much faster.
  3. Now, I'm not here to tell you that fast sex is always bad.
  4. I like a quickie as much as the next person.
  5. Sometimes a little speedy nookie might be just what a couple wants or needs.
  6. But I do want to question the assumption that we must always beat time,
  7. even in the bedroom.
  8. And when we combine speed with distraction, it can be the enemy of romance.
  9. For example, a fifth of young adults now interrupt sex to use their phones.
  10. This obsession with speeding up sex may explain why couples around the world are looking for ways to slow down together in bed and beyond.
  11. Some take classes on how to listen to one another.
  12. Others attend workshops on tantric sex,
  13. which draws on ancient Hindu and Buddhist practices to weave together the mind,
  14. body, and spirit.
  15. Anthropologist Helen Fisher believes younger generations are slowing down courtship in ways that can lead to better relationships.
  16. Slow romance doesn't look like it used to.
  17. Fisher has found that many young people start their relationships with sex.
  18. And if that goes well, they might become friends with benefits.
  19. Sometime after that, they may go on a first date.
  20. become a couple, and make their relationship public.
  21. Having sex long before the first formal date doesn't sound very slow, but it can be.
  22. Because, as Fisher points out,
  23. a lot of listening and learning happens between the sheets.
  24. And when couples spend time hanging out before dating formally,
  25. never mind buying a house together or starting a family,
  26. they build up the trust that is the cornerstone of long, happy relationships.
  27. No matter what order you do things in,
  28. when you slow down and take time to be present with each other,
  29. things fall into place.
  30. As a more established couple, you remember why you got together in the first place.
  31. You forge a deeper, richer bond.
  32. Of course, sometimes the opposite can happen.
  33. If you've been cruising along in autopilot,
  34. Slowing down might reveal that your relationship is a busted flush,
  35. which could spark a breakup.
  36. Painful, yes, but surely better than wasting time with the wrong person?
  37. Rushing toward climax in sex, or rushing toward marriage in a relationship,
  38. or rushing from activity to activity to avoid your long-term partner can rob you of one of life's transcendent joys,
  39. being deeply known and loved and giving the same in return.